The night before the worst day of the year
by daughter of the fifth house
Summary: Captain Jamie Kirk hates her birthday, because in the night before she always dreams of things she doesn't remember: Her father's death. In the night before her birthday it always comes crashing down. Now, it's the first night like this on the Enterprise. She sneaks into Leonard McCoy's quarters while he's in surgery and falls asleep in his bed. (fem!Kirk/Bones)


**The night before the worst day of the year**

Disclaimer: Star Trek isn't mine. I'm just borrowing the Enterprise and the characters for this fic.

* * *

Jamie T. Kirk couldn't really concentrate. She caught herself constantly gazing to the chronometer.

But not, because she wanted alpha shift to be over. It was quite the opposite. She didn't want it to end. She was afraid of the evening and the night.

The night would be the worst of the year. The night before her birthday. The one that brought the worst nightmares.

Since she was a little girl and first understood that her birthday was also the day her father died, she started having nightmares that were worst in the night before that day. She saw it all happen in her mind, even though she couldn't consciously remember it. But the well known footage was stuck in her head. Her imagination and subconsciousness did the rest.

Growing up Jamie tried to find ways to cope with that. Mostly not sleeping at all. Later she developed a very unhealthy pattern. Drinking too much. Ending up somewhere with some guy. At the Academy she mostly kept it at drinking until her best friend Leonard McCoy had to haul her drunken ass back to her dorm room.

But now she was on the Enterprise.

It was her first birthday as a captain. And being captain had made her grow much more than the three years at Starfleet Academy. There was no way she would get drunk this night and let the crew see her hung over.

But she had no idea what to do instead. She considered simply staying on duty for beta and gamma shift. And alpha the next day.

Jamie almost hoped for something to happen that required the captain to be on the bridge.

Well, of course, nothing happened. There were in orbit of some planet in an uninhabited star system and a science teams was getting samples of rocks and plantlife. Boring.

She considered beaming down and helping. Or just running or sitting somewhere. But the thing was – she didn't want to be alone. And yet she wasn't sure if she wanted company either. Well, except Leonard McCoy. She actually longed to see him.

The captain reached for a button at the arm rest of the command chair. "Bridge to Medbay."

"This is Chapel", a female voice answered.

"Is Bones there?"

"I'm sorry, Captain, he's in surgery and it might take a while."

"What happened?" Jamie asked surprised and concerned. "We got no reports of an accident."

"No accident. It's something necessary that was scheduled. But unfortunately Doctor M'Benga had some allergic reaction to those strange fruits we picked up on Starbase 3. He's okay, but can't do surgery. So Doctor McCoy stepped in. I guess, he'll take beta shift as well."

"I see." Jamie tried not sounding disappointed. "Thanks. Bridge out."

Another glance to the chronometer. Alpha shift was over. The officers of beta shift entered the bridge.

Jamie slowly rose and handed the conn to Spock. She left bridge and headed straight for her quarters.

But when she was in the middle of the living area, she just stood there, not knowing what to do, not able to move. Breathing felt suddenly difficult.

She knew, of course, thinking about how bad the night would be was making her panic. She just couldn't stop herself.

And then Jamie moved _fast_. She walked - almost ran - out of her quarters. She stepped into a turbo lift and found herself a few moments later in front of the CMO's quarters.

She hesitated, but finally used the code she knew to gain access.

As soon as the door was closed behind her back, she locked it and leant against it, taking deep breaths. Being here actually made her feel a little better. She felt calmer.

She wished Leonard McCoy were also here and not in Medbay. She needed her best friend now more than ever. She was a little pissed he wasn't here, because he knew what night it was. But, yeah, the treatment of the crew was a priority. She wouldn't have it any other way. This was just her panicking mind making her emotional state worse.

She slowly strode into the room and pondered what to do. Reading something on the couch, watching a movie or just laying down and waiting for him?

Jamie suddenly noticed she was still wearing her uniform. She headed for the bedroom area and to the dresser. She opened the drawer she knew Leonard kept some Ole Miss sweatshirts in and took one out. The fabric was smooth and a little washed out. She loved those shirts, got once one to wear at the Academy when she'd thrown up over her clothes one night.

She chuckled at that memory. It was so long ago. And she was so glad and thankful about the friendship they'd formed over the years.

Jamie held the shirt against her chest and face. It smelled a little him, even though it was washed. She finally put it on the bed and pulled off her black uniform boots before changing out of her golden uniform dress. She folded it and put it on the dresser. Her bra landed next to it.

She sighed contentedly when the fabric of the oversized piece of clothing slid over her bare skin and half covered her thighs. She wrapped her arms around herself and just took a few deep breaths.

She slowly went to the replicator and ordered herself a two sandwiches and a piece of pie. With the plates and something to drink she settled down on the couch and played a movie on a PADD she arranged on the little table.

But she did the same as on the bridge – glancing at the chronometer. She hoped, Leonard would return to his quarters. She hoped, he would somehow not having to do the complete beta shift.

She checked with Medbay again half an hour later, but the surgery was still in progress. She felt suddenly very tired and pondered if she should lay down on the couch or walk over to the bed. Falling asleep on this couch wouldn't be the first time. But she'd never been in Leonard McCoy's bed.

She glanced to the bedroom area and felt very drawn to the bed. She nuzzled a little deeper in the Ole Miss sweatshirt. She craved for more of this feeling of security being here and wearing that shirt gave her.

So, she got up, took the PADD and sat on the bed with her back against the headboard and the PADD resting on her mounted knees.

She watched something fun, but every few minutes her mind drifted back to the bad stuff – or she hoped for Leonard to get off duty soon.

At some point she felt incredibly tired and just put the PADD on the mattress. She scooted down a little and was asleep moments after her head hit the pillow. She didn't even get under the blanket.

* * *

Leonard McCoy was tired when he finally got out of surgery. When he entered the main room of Medbay, back in his uniform, Christine Chapel handed him a coffee.

"Thanks." He took a sip.

"The captain called a few times, asking when the surgery is done or when you get of duty."

First, he frowned, then it hit him and he felt bad. It was the night before her birthday. He looked at the chronometer. 2353 hours. "Shit…"

"It's about tomorrow, isn't it?" Christine asked with compassion.

He nodded wordlessly and glanced to Geoffrey M'Benga who was sitting on a biobed. He looked better than four hours before. His face had a normal skin color again.

"Go, Leonard. It's a slow night and I'm almost back to normal", M'Benga said. "If something should come up, I can handle it. Or I call you in case of emergency. _Go_."

Leonard wanted to protest, but M'Benga raised his hand, stopping him. He sighed and nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Geoff." He handed Chapel the cup and left Medbay.

He headed straight to the captain's quarters and touched the chime. No answer.

He tried again. Still no answer.

So he used the code he knew, stepped into the darkness and ordered lights to thirty percent.

"Jamie?" He looked to the bedroom area, but the bed was empty. "Computer, locate Captain Kirk."

"Captain Kirk is in the Chief Medical Officer's quarters."

His mouth fell open. He was surprised, although he knew the next moment he shouldn't be. Of course she would be there if she wasn't in her own quarters. He slightly shook his head and smiled a little.

Leonard went to his own quarters and walked into the low lighted room. He saw an empty plate, a half full glass of water and a half eaten pie on the couch table.

His gaze drifted to the also dimly lighted bedroom area and there he saw her laying on the bed. She was on her back, arms in all directions, hair sprawled over the pillow, hip slightly sideward and the legs – her _bare_ legs – slightly bent. One of them more than the other.

He stepped closer and let his gaze wander over her again. His heart jumped a little seeing her like this and recognizing his sweatshirt. "Little thief", he murmured with a chuckle.

Leonard sat down and leant over her, bracing himself on his left arm next to her hip. With his right hand he gently caressed her cheek. His heartbeat suddenly increased and he resisted the urge to kiss her on the forehead or even…

He shook off that thought. He didn't allow himself thinking in that way about Jamie. Not in this night. Not ever.

She stirred under his touch and her eyelids fluttered open.

"Hey…" he whispered.

"Hey, Bones…" she replied sleepily. It took her a moment to remember where she was. She exhaled heavily. "I'm sorry. I wanted to wait for you. Didn't want to be alone. I just was so tired…"

She slowly sat up and he sat up straight, giving her the space.

"I should be sorry, Jamie", Leonard said gentler than she expected. "I know what day tomorrow is. I didn't want to leave you alone with your nightmares."

Jamie suddenly blinked in surprise, realizing that there hadn't been a nightmare.

"Are you alright?" he added, noticing how her eyes widened.

"Yeah, I… I actually am. No nightmare while I was here. That… never happen until now. But…" She trailed off, unsure if it would be a good idea to say it.

"What?" he asked curiously. "Is it the ship? Maybe being on the Enterprise and being the captain makes a difference."

He said the words, but had another notion he didn't want to spell out.

But Jamie finally did. "No… I…" She took a deep breath. "It's _you_ , Bones. I almost panicked in my quarters, because I know how bad this night always turns out. I didn't stand being alone in my quarters and came here. I knew you were still in Medbay, but I… needed to feel you around." She remembered what she was wearing, almost blushing very uncaptainly and un-Kirk-ly. "Sorry, I took the sweatshirt. Didn't think of changing before, but wanted to get rid of the uniform."

"It's alright. The shirt looks good on you…" Leonard caught himself letting his gaze wander for a moment to her legs, but instantly averted it. He felt a little bad for saying this as if he was coming on to her. Even if he did – which he was _not_ –, this was not an appropriate moment. But… he still had those thoughts about kissing her. Which was bad…

Their eyes locked.

"I'm glad you're finally here", Jamie whispered. "I never slept in this night, but the past two hours... Can I –"

"Yeah, you can stay", he cut in and answered the question.

She smiled and nuzzled against him, her hands sliding around his chest to his back. Leonard wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

"I hope the crew hasn't planned anything…" she whispered and started shaking a little.

Leonard drew soothing circles over her back. "I don't know. But if so, I'll be there." He gently placed a kiss on her hair.

Jamie moved so she could look at him again.

He cupped her face with one hand before he even knew what he was doing.

"No nightmares here", she repeated her earlier words. "I feel here safe and protected and… loved…" Her eyes got wider at that last word. Her heart beat faster and she chewed her bottom lip, pondering whether saying that was a mistake or not.

Leonard smiled. "You are", he said and sighed. "God, this is probably the worst timing. I don't want to take advantage of your emotional state."

"You wouldn't. And I know you would never do that", Jamie whispered, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Her lips were now only inches from his. "I can't trust my mind today, but my heart knew what it needed when I ended up here."

She trailed her hands from his back, where they still were, to his chest and up to his neck. Then their lips touched in a gentle kiss.

He responded immediately and pulled her closer against his body.

It became a long kiss, full of bottled up emotions. It was actually strange that it was that gentle and slow, considering all those years they knew each other and had been close to each other. But it was exactly the kind of kiss Jamie needed.

She gasped and ran one hand down his torso, slipping it under the hem of his blue uniform shirt.

Leonard gave a surprised moan in return. " _Jamie_ … You don't… we don't… this is terrible timing."

She chuckled a little. "What?" she whispered innocently, feeling like a heavy weight was lifted from her shoulders. "Just helping you out of your uniform for the night." She pulled at the fabric and he allowed her to take it off.

" _Jamie_."

She breathed a kiss on his lips. "I wanna be with you, _feel_ you. So it is the worst timing – I don't care." She shrugged. "I want this."

He caressed her cheek and his gaze slowly sunk in the deep cerulean blue of her eyes.

"I think from now on this particular night of the year won't be that bad anymore", Jamie whispered. "It's not the night before the day of my father's death anymore. It's now the night I finally came to my senses and told you that I'm in love with you."

Leonard's lips parted in surprise and she held her breath, waiting for him to reply.

He realized he always hoped for those words, but didn't think she would ever say them to him. Then another thought made him let out a short laugh.

"What?" she asked with a smile.

"I always assumed I would be the first to say that – if we'd ever get our shit together." He took a deep breath. "I love you too, Darlin'. I've probably been in love with you since that day in the shuttle."

"So, let's not waste more time." She pulled him into another kiss and glanced at the chronometer – three minutes after midnight. "And I'm looking forward to some wonderful birthday memories."

Yes, of course, she knew it wasn't that easy to forget how birthdays had been until now. It would be far from easy.

But this would be a perfect start for good things to outshine the bad and make the day into one she wouldn't be dreading anymore and could be even looking forward to.

Leonard's gaze followed hers and he smiled. "Happy Birthday, Darlin'."

Jamie's attempt to thank him drowned in a gasp, for his hand slid under the oversized Ole Miss sweatshirt, pushing it up and exposing her breasts. He threw the shirt away a moment later and his lips descended on her skin, trailing kisses from her neck to her breasts.

Jamie somehow managed to get his uniform pants open and he got rid of them. Shoes and underwear followed quickly. Her panties were also gone moments later.

The room was filled with moans and gasps of pleasure for half the night.

And there were no nightmares.

In the morning a birthday cake was waiting for Jamie Kirk in the mess hall. Surrounded by her crew she got to blew out the candles and hand out chocolate-hazelnut-slices.

She managed for about twenty minutes to resist the urge kissing Leonard McCoy in front of everyone.

The crew didn't mind when she finally made their change of relationship status public. They cheered and took pictures. A lot of pictures.


End file.
